Directional Politics is Stupid, And So Are You

I really don’t care if you’re left, right, center, diagonal, or fucking horizontal. You’re still a moron. Unless you’ve got a Political Science degree, and have worked in politics, you don’t know what you’re talking about, and you’re wasting valuable oxygen regurgitating half-remembered facts from http://www.I’mRight.com. Fuck off, you’re just as dumb as the rest of us, you just don’t know it. I’m sick of all these uninformed dipshits who get their entire worldview from Fox News and think that Trump is the second coming of Jesus. He’s not. God’s not real, and the fact that I haven’t been smited by Holy Lighting yet means that either he’s not real, or he agrees with me. Donald Trump is a moron, anyone with two braincells to rub together knows it, but let’s break it down.

Leftists aren’t any better. Can’t you people get along? What is your problem, why do you have to attack everyone you don’t think is as “woke” as you? Shouldn’t you be uniting as a group instead of picking off people who kind of agree with you, but who don’t force politics into every conversation? You people need to shape up too. What, you think because you’re against Trump, you need to be against everyone else? Go fuck yourselves, you pretentious cock-goblins. I used to believe in you, I want all people to be happy and healthy and free, but if that means I have to cancel Dave Chappelle because he made a joke someone didn’t like, I’m gonna tell you to fuck off and gain a sense of humor. I get most of your views, but the sheer amount of Social Justice Warriors on Twitter getting offended over jokes makes me think that you’re all so miserable that you need to make everyone else as miserable as you so you can feel included. Shut up, get some therapy, and pour yourself a drink you uptight assholes. The worst part about the Left is how you are all such unbearable dicks. Your worldview is based off of taking things people smarter than you that you agree with say out of context to prove you’re right. Do your own research, go outside, and shut the fuck up.

Don’t think I’m done with you, Righties. You’re the reason I feel uncomfortable to vote Republican. You’ve ruined the brand, and now I have to pick one of these uppity dick-lickers who are going to spend all my tax money on stupid things that don’t work. Every time one of you goes on TV, I feel my brain starting to hurt as you fumble to explain how the government is going to take your guns, even though that’s never been a thing. Wake up people, politicians found a way to weaponize your fear and stupidity and laziness and turn it into Republican votes. Every moron I know with an understanding of economics gained from selling weed and watching Wolf of Wall Street can be swayed by propoganda disguised as memes, or by listening to media sources made to make you think you’re smarter than everyone. As I’ve said previously, you’re not, and the sooner you accept that, the sooner people will stop calling you an unbearable douche. I’ve never seen stupidity like I’ve seen on the Breitbart comment section, it’s like entire communities didn’t bully the stupid out of racist morons unfit to pour my coffee in the morning. If you think Climate Change is a hoax made up by the Chinese to destabilize our economy: get a vasectomy, you are too stupid to be allowed to reproduce.

We didn’t used to be like this, so I have total faith that we can change. It won’t be easy, it won’t be quick, and it will cost us greatly. If we’re to move on from this colossal fuck-up, we’re going to need to forgive each other. It’s going to suck, no one wants to admit they were mislead, that they were wrong, that they aren’t as smart as they thought. The alternative is total destruction on a scale not seen since the Roman Empire. “America isn’t the greatest country in the world anymore. But it can be.” Jeff Daniels was right, we’ve lost our way, but I can’t give up on the people of this country, even though I really have no interest in talking to 95% of you. We need an event that brings us together, I’m not talking about a mass shooting, or a terrorist attack, or a speech on TV. I’m talking about something that shocks us to our very core, something that the 24-hour news cycle can’t hide. I don’t know what that event could be, but I know that if we keep going down this path, we will alienate the people we share our country with, and that is fucking unacceptable. I don’t care about your politics, one of my best friends is a huge Trump supporter because he likes how he talks shit on Twitter. He’s not a racist, he’s not a billionaire looking for a tax cut, he’s just an uninformed consumer looking for more content, regardless of the real-world consequences. We need something to reunite us, we need something to be As American As Apple Pie again, we need Pam Anderson’s tits bouncing on Baywatch, because if there’s one thing that everyone can agree with, it’s that boobs are awesome.

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Evanzavis

I'm a 26 year-old Gemini who likes long walks at night, clever copy, and relaxing on the golf course with some good beers.

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