I’m starting college again on Monday, and I’m fucking terrified.
I haven’t had a great track record with college; I colossally flamed out my first time, and I excelled the second time, years later. I’m batting around a .500, which isn’t great when it comes to spending thousands of dollars on education. I’m only taking two classes, but I’m still worried about them.
The first class is called Winning the Argument, and it’s an English class, so I shouldn’t have any trouble because writing is one of the things I’m not completely awful at. I’m sure that I’ll do fine in that class, but my Managerial Accounting class is going to be a nightmare. I did fine in the last accounting class I took, but that’s because I got angry that I wasn’t doing well, and stayed up late trying to figure it out because failing hurt my ego. I can’t rely on that to save me this time.
I’m 50 credits away from a Bachelor’s degree, so I’ll be in college for awhile. Remember that old Ryan Reynolds movie Van Wilder? If you haven’t, it’s about a 27-year old rich kid who is having too much fun in college to want to graduate. I’m probably going to be 28 by the time I graduate, and that worries me. If I were an employer, I wouldn’t hire the guy who took 10 years to get a 4 year degree. Hopefully, advertising is filled with fuck-ups who took forever to finish college too, or I’m going to have to find a new profession.
I don’t want to be that weird old guy in class, that guy who butts into the lecture to jerk-off his ego and feel like he’s contributing something helpful, even though everyone else just wants him to shut up and not talk again. There’s always one in every class, so I’m hoping some other poor, awkward soul falls on that grenade for me.
Maybe it won’t be terrible. Maybe I’ll meet some new people and enjoy my college experience. Maybe I’ll find some club that interests me, or find a way to shmooze my way into an internship this summer. That’s the thing though, you never really know what’s going to happen, and that bugs the shit out of me. I don’t like being unprepared for what’s coming to me, I like knowing what’s going to happen beforehand, so I can set up a game plan and figure it out. I’ve had more college experience than most people I know, I should know what I’m in for, but I don’t.
Previously, I went to community college, and, for the most part, it was a breeze. I worked at about 60% capacity, and I got great grades. I don’t know if I can do the same at a real college. I’m worried that getting straight A’s at a community college gave me too much confidence in my abilities, and that I’m going to blow it this semester. I feel like a much poorer Billy Madison: I feel like people took it easy on me, and that I’m not really as smart as I think I am, and that everyone else sees it but me. I’m not as much of a fuck-up as I was the last time I went to real college, so maybe I’ll be okay.