Take Your Medicine

I’ve been on a wild ride these last 6 months; I left a job that made me miserable, I started a job that I actually liked, I started going to a real college, (there’s also this whole “pandemic” thing going on as well), but the biggest change was that I didn’t take my meds for the first time in years.

It seemed like such a simple thing to do: call your doctor and have them send your prescription to the pharmacy 10 minutes away from my house. That’s the shitty thing about ADHD; things that should be easy are cripplingly difficult. Every time I tried to call in the order, I was put on hold for half an hour because some dumb-dumb who had bad Chinese food last week thought they had the ‘Rona, called their doctor, and clogged up the phone line so people like me who have no patience for phone calls would get angry and hang up.

This continued for months, and as time progressed, I started to notice subtle differences in my behavior, which is wild because I don’t usually notice changes in anything, let alone my own life. My working memory is terrible, if someone put a gun to my mother’s head and asked me what I ate for dinner a week ago, I’d have to say goodbye to Ma Dukes, because I can barely remember what I said a minute ago, let alone a week ago. This is where medication comes in handy. Without it, my brain is in complete control, and instead of doing normal people things, it keeps me up at night thinking about things like “Did people in Star Wars use cotton to make their clothes, or is it some other sci-fi space material? I was up until 5am thinking about this last night. Take your medicine.

I finally got my prescription filled, it took a whole hell of a lot longer than I’d liked, but it’s done, and that’s all that matters. The shitty part is what’s gonna happen after 6 months of not taking my meds is suddenly interrupted by an infusion of the strongest amphetamines science has ever created. I’ll probably be up until 5 again tonight, but for much different reasons. Take your fucking medicine.

Artistic Excellence

What is art? Well, that answer will be very different depending on who you ask. To me, art is anything that makes someone feel something. I know, it’s a super broad definition, but I think that it needs to be broad in order to cover all creative mediums. Art isn’t just some asshole throwing paint droplets on a canvas, it’s the emotion the artist embedded in the piece, combined with the reception that the piece receives. Now, because I consider what I do art, I have to acknowledge that other people may have differing opinions on my work. This is where I struggle.

I’m super selfish when it comes to art: I don’t make things for other people, I make things because it helps me keep some semblance of sanity. Each medium that I make things in has its own purposes and flaws, but it really comes down to how I feel at a particular moment in time. I honestly couldn’t give less of a fuck what you think about my content, I’m more interested in seeing where you would build upon what I’ve created, and if you can correct my sometimes-spotty grammar: even better. When I look at other people’s art, I immediately blast off into space, creating a narrative based on how the piece strikes me, and use that feeling to help make my own stuff.

I try not to be wild pretentious when it comes to art, I know I don’t always achieve this goal, but fuck you, it’s a process, I’ll get there eventually. I used to be obsessed with this “tortured genius” idea, but the more I learn about the world, the dumber I realize I am, and the more I look back at myself and realize I was a huge douchebag. I used to think that only miserable people could make good art, but now I realize that being functional and happy while maintaining creativity is the more impressive feat. I respect people like Charles Dickens, Curren$y, Mac Miller, Van Gogh, David Ogilvy, and pre-MAGA Kanye West. They are prolific artists, people obsessed with the creative process, always working, no matter what it does to their mental health (with the exception of Curren$y, who seems like he’s living his best life right now). I feel the same way, but with a thousandth of the creative potential. Due to a lovely neurological disorder, I have a pretty rocky relationship with sanity, so I do my best to be as clear and concise as possible, even when my brain is firing off signals in every direction.

I may be nuts, but if I’m properly motivated, I will give 200% effort in achieving my goals. It might strain my relationships, ruin my physical and mental well-being, and my overall quality of life, but if I want to do something, and I have the ability to do so, I will devote every fabric of my being to achieving my goals. The only issue is that sometimes my goals are fucking stupid, and shouldn’t be pursued. For instance, I can say with complete certainty that I spent more time and effort getting the Fall Camo for the M21 sniper rifle in Modern Warfare 2 than I did getting a 3.7 GPA in college. Maybe I’m actually smart, but more likely, this country has devalued education to the point where grades don’t matter, and that I’m just average. I can snipe the fuck out of you in a video game though, so it’s a bit of a win-win.

Jon Hamm: More Than Just Don Draper

Can we talk about how good an actor Jon Hamm is? I’m a huge Mad Men fan, so I might be a little biased.

Due to my recent unemployment career transition, I’ve had some time on my hands. I have mostly spent this time staring at walls, trying to muster the energy to get out of bed, and when I can’t, I turn to movies and TV to help me escape that 9×5 prison. This has led me to discover Jon Hamm’s acting chops.

He was an incredible Don Draper: silent, brooding, brilliantly troubled, but there were moments that showed that Jon Hamm had actual range. If you remember Season 6’s “The Crash” (better known as “that episode where SCDP gets amphetamine shots and goes on a manic creative bender”), you can see that Jon Hamm is an incredible comedic presence too.

Fast-forward to 2 weeks ago: I mustered the energy to drag myself downstairs to the family room, where I blew through On-Demand movies for 9 hours before giving up and staring at a blank screen for another 3. It was during this time where I discovered the movie Tag.

Tag is based off of the true story of a group of friends that gets together to play tag one month a year. It’s a star-studded ensemble cast of talented comedic actors and actresses, and Jon Hamm. I was a little high, which may have influenced my decision, but in the end, Tag is a heartwarming film about adult friendship, childhood promises, and seeing Jake Johnson get super baked with Jason Sudeikis.

In the film, Jon Hamm is an insurance executive, so your first image of him is pure Draper:  tailored suit, giant corner office, being interviewed by the Wall Street Journal for being awesome at what he does. This is quickly subverted by Jason Sudeikis jumping out of a trashcan to try and tag him, causing him to dip out of the interview to run screaming through the halls of his agency. Don Draper would be ashamed of his outward expression of any emotion not quelled by cheap whiskey. The movie goes on to establish him as an awkward child who hasn’t gotten over his childhood crush, which is a nice change from Mr. “I like to cheat on my gorgeous wife” Draper, and Mr. “Let’s have a shootout with the police” Buddy from Baby Driver. I’d get more into how much Jon Hamm kills it in Baby Driver, but I want to keep this relatively short.  Now, Tag isn’t the best movie in the world, it’s super cheesy and stupid at times, but like pretty much every Jason Sudeikis movie, it’s just dumb fun. My advice- eat an edible, crack open a couple beers, and let this movie wash over you. It also stars Rashida Jones and Isla Fischer, so if you don’t like the comedic stylings of Jon Hamm, Jake Johnson, Jeremy Renner, and Jason Sudeikis, you can always watch them absolutely crush this film.