My Last Day

Today’s the day. It’s finally here. I’ve thought about this moment so many times that whatever happens, I know it won’t live up to the fantasy I’ve created. I’ve decided that instead of doing all the usual unnecessary shit that I do throughout my work day, I’m going to take stock and think about what I’ll miss about this place, and what I look forward to never doing again.

What I’ll Miss:

1. Free Coffee.

2. The few nice Customers.

3. Getting out at 7 on Sunday’s.

4. Fucking with rude people.

5. Locking the doors on people after we close.

6. Listening to music on the store speakers.

7. Trying new flavor combos in my coffee.

8. Hashbrowns.

9. Customers leaving nice reviews on Yelp.

10. Customers leaving ridiculous reviews on Yelp.

11. Giving stressed-out people free coffee, because we’ve all been there.

12. Listening to Raj yell at people for unreasonable things, like using the bathroom he just cleaned.

13. Listening to Raj act super nice when his boss is around.

14. Scaring new Dunks employees with customer horror stories.

15. Listening to full albums at work.

16. Introducing customers to music.

What I Won’t Miss Even A Little:

1. That On-The-Go ringtone that never shuts up.

2. Getting yelled at by entitled morons who think this is an upscale restaurant.

3. People throwing money at me like I’m a bad stripper.

4. Customers complaining because the prices aren’t the same as they were in 1976.

5. Coming home covered in greasy fat and coffee stains.

6. Customers assuming I speak perfect Spanish because I work at Dunks.

7. People placing $50+ orders, and not tipping after.

8. Customers taking money out of my tip jar to avoid breaking a bill.

9. People snapping their fingers while I make their food because they think it’ll speed things up.

10. Blatant heroin users coughing on their money and handing it to me.

11. Drunk people asking if I can add liquor to their drinks.

12. Customers making up flavors and expecting me to know what they are.

13. Parents who bring their crying kid in, and leave them at the counter.

14. Getting 4am calls from the District Manager, asking where the TV remote is.

15. Getting calls at 4:15am from said manager after she finds the remote.

16. Getting called in at 8:30am for a 12pm shift.

17. Having to work 3am-8pm because someone didn’t show up.

18. Coffee “connoisseurs” who can apparently tell the difference between 17 creams and 18 creams in their small iced coffee.

19. People who want their coffee “extra extra light”, then complain that their coffee is too light.

20. Having customers talk on their phone at the counter when they should be ordering.

21. Getting called racist because I ask someone to repeat themselves after they order in another language.

22. Getting cold brew thrown at me because “It’s not cold enough!”

23. Customers getting angry that we don’t have Pumpkin Spice in July.

24. Customers getting offended when I ask if they want their coffee iced or hot.

25. Old people telling me that “Hey Yeah” is The Devil’s Music™️.

26. People who try and order food 45 minutes after the ovens are off.

27. Customers who order small coffees in extra-large cups because they think they’re beating the system.

28. Getting yelled at because I didn’t finish the work that someone else was supposed to do.

29. Getting asked 6 times in a row if the decaf coffee they ordered is actually decaf.

30. Customers who don’t understand what “regular” means, and get mad when they order a regular and it’s not what they wanted.

31. Being told I got a raise, and making the same amount of money every week.

32. Having to do my boss’s paperwork because she wants to go home early.

33. Customers paying for big orders with change.

34. When I greet customers at the counter, and they look at me like I’m offending them.

35. Confused customers who try and get me to pump their gas because they don’t understand how 2 stores can share a building.

36. Customers who get mad that their coffee is on the counter, and not wherever they want to wait for it.

37. Parents who point at me and tell their kids “This is what happens when you don’t go to college!”

38. Overly-complicated sandwich orders that make no sense

39. Having to fix at least one piece of equipment every shift, none of which is ever replaced.

40. Always being out of something that multiple customers want

41. Getting yelled at because we’re out of something a customer wants.

42. Being treated like I’m less than a person because I work at Dunks.

43. Having to pee outside like an animal because the bathroom doesn’t work.

Goodbye, and good riddance

The Best Two Weeks of Your Life

So I put in my notice a week ago, and I’ve got to say, this is the most fun I’ve ever had at work.

It’s not that I’m slacking off, I still do my job because I don’t want to be an asshole and leave things for everyone else because I’ve checked out. I’m still working hard, but I’m also kicking back and relaxing a lot more.

I’ve worked at Dunks for longer than Jimmy Carter was president, so part of me is worried about moving on. Did I make a mistake? Is this new job going to suck more than my previous one? Should I stay afterall? Will I really be happier at the new job? These are probably thoughts everyone has when they’re about to start a new job, so I’m trying not to think about them too much.

I’m hoping for the best, but it’s still a job; there will still be terrible days where I want to quit, there will still be days where I regret leaving Dunks, there will still be days where I wish I didn’t get out so late, but it’s still a change, and people tell me change is good. I guess we’ll see.

How To Get A Job In Marketing

Getting a job is tough. You spend so much time making sure your resume is polished and your LinkedIn profile is set up, only to have all that work ignored. I’m dealing with that part myself right now, so I figured I’d try and help people who are in a similar situation.

Take Advantage of Networking Opportunities

If you live in a well-populated area, or even close to one, look out for job fairs. These are good places to make connections, and put a face to your name. Try not to be too eager, but be persistant, and make sure you bring multiple copies of your resume to hand out.

If you’re just looking for something short-term and flexible, try your local temp agency, they rely on getting people jobs quickly, so if you’re in a pinch, and can make an appointment with a temp agency, do it. Even if you’re looking for something more permanent, temp agencies can help you, some jobs are temp-to permanent, so if you do well, you could find yourself in a decent position.

If you’ve got some decent sales abilities, you can try looking up companies you want to work for, and send them an email. Usually, this doesn’t work, but I’ve heard a few success stories, so you never know. Try writing your email like you would a sales letter or any other piece of copy, except think of yourself as the product. Highlight your abilities and ways you can benefit the company, while not sounding like a robot.

If you’ve got an entrepreneurial attitude, and some confidence in your abilities, you can try freelancing on sites like Upwork and Fivver. These sites have entry-level work that you can do from your home. Some posters offer low pay for unreasonable amounts of work, so make sure you clearly understand what your client expects of you before you accept the offer.

Non-profits are always looking for help and, contrary to their name, some of them pay pretty well. If you see a non-profit that supports a cause you care about, reach out to them and see if you can help them. It might only be a small project, but you’ll get your foot in the door, gain some work experience, and support a good cause all at once.

Use Social Media

Social media has changed the way we do things, from how we share videos, to how we communicate with each other. This makes it a perfect place to look for advice, networking, and eventually, a job.

A lesser-known place to network is Reddit, a collection of message boards based on a common interest. The r/marketing and r/advertising boards are filled with people in the industry, and are usually happy to guide students and graduates, and job postings are made once a month, so you can expand your search.

Facebook can help you get a job too. Besides being a place where uneducated morons vomit out their opinions. Facebook is home to tons of different groups, and those groups can be very helpful in finding a job, learning more about a certain niche, or even just networking with people. I’m part of a couple copywriting groups, solely to have my copy torn apart and improved by random strangers on the Internet, and it’s helped me immensely.

LinkedIn is an incredibly useful tool that I had written off for a very long time, but now that I’ve graduated and really need to find a decent job, I’m starting to realize how important it is. LinkedIn is social media for your career, so don’t put anything stupid up there, pick a profile picture that makes you look professional and hireable, dress to impress, and for God’s sake, smile. After you apply to a company, check out their LinkedIn page, and follow them. This lets them know you’re serious about working with them, and is a nice look into the type of content they share and the feedback it gets. You can also add your friends and acquaintances to your network, you never know who might know who, so it’s good to cast as wide of a net as you can.

Assorted Helpful Tips

Now, there are a few more things you can do to spice up your resume, and show you’ve got what it takes. There are also some sketchy companies put there looking to prey on your desperation and inexperience, so I’ll tell you a little about how to avoid getting taken advantage of.

First thing’s first, if you’re reading this post, you more than likely have your own blog. That right there is your first resume builder. Take your blog, and apply your knowledge to it and make it grow. The longer you do it, and the more traffic you get, the more value you’ll show to potential employers. You can also use your blog as a testing platform and see which types of content work, and which to avoid.

If your job doesnt have a dedicated marketing role, take some initiative and write up an outline of what you would do, and take it to your boss. They might see some potential in you, and it’ll quickly add work to your resume.

If you’re not sure if you know enough to be successful at your first “real” job, you can alway learn more by getting certifications from Hubspot and Google. These can be useful, and it’s another thing to add to your resume. The ones I recommend are Hubspot’s Content Marketing, Inbound and Outbound Marketing, and GoogleAds. These should prepare you for what you’ll most likely be dealing with.

There are a lot of misleading job postings filed under “marketing”, so make sure to always research the company before you apply, and if you see a posting that doesn’t look right, check Glassdoor and see what employees say about the company. Most of these companies use phrases like “residential marketing” or “field marketing” or “in-home marketing”. Don’t be fooled: they’re usually door-to-door sales gigs that burn through people constantly. I recently fell for a well-disguised posting for an Advertising Account Coordinator that turned out to be a bogus sales job selling cut-rate phone plans. Always do your research.

Lastly, think outside the box and do some spec work for fun. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but it should challenge you creatively. I started learning Premier Pro by making really terrible music videos using YouTube footage that I cut together. Whatever it is, make sure you find a way to enjoy it, and find a way to learn from it. I like to save my early attempts so I can see how far I’ve come.

So, that’s everything I know about finding a marketing job. I hope it helped someone start their career. Did I miss anything? Leave a comment, I’d love to hear from you.